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Eeeya-ei! Who me?

Never really liked Mad TV when i first saw it…but now, having to watch the monstrosity that is GICS on a regular basis, Ive come to like all other comedy shows. This is my favourite Mad TV skit

Behind the Scenes: Arnold Schwarzenegger’s New Movie (#609)
Arnold/Main character – Will Sasso
Clone 1 – Will Sasso
Clone 2 (sunglasses & gun) – Will Sasso
Clone Baby – Will Sasso
Devil Clone – Will Sasso

Arnold is sitting talking to audience with a cigar in his hand.

Arnold : Hello… Eeeee…. Welcome to the start of my new movie. Heeehye! In my last hit movie the Sixth Day, I was a clone and I had to get back my stolen identity. Heeehye! In the super big hit movie Total Recall, I was in the future, and I had to get back my stolen identity. Heeehyehye! And then my super smash hit Erasure, I had to help Vanessa Williams get back her stolen identity! E-Yie! E-Yie! So now, my new movie is called Stolen Identity because stolen identity movies make so much money in the box office. Heeehye! Well actually… I’m calling it Stolen Identity: 3 because sequels make so much more a lot of money. Yie! And they do! Yie!

[Scene in Stolen Identity: 3]

Arnold is messing with flasks in a lab.

Arnold: Ughhhhhh… Yie! HEY! WHO ARE YOU!
Clone 1: I’m your clone….. Who are you?
Arnold: My clone? Then who am I?
Clone 1: You’re not you.
Arnold: Well who are you if I’m not me?
Clone 1: moves arm from up to down I’M YOU!
Arnold: But I’m not me! Are you me or am I you?
Clone 1: You’re me. Points at Clone 2. Hey! Who’s him?
Clone 2: Heeehye! Takes off sunglasses. I’m you too!

Arnold and Clone 1 are getting confused. They shake their arms.

Arnold: quietly But I’m not me…
Clone 2: Now you know the secret. Now you must die. Which one are you?

Arnold and clones raise eyebrows and shake crazily.

[Scene is back to Arnold’s commentary]

Arnold: So I didn’t die. Actually, me and my two clones join forces because it turns out I’m really an angel. Then the CIA, they make a clone, but this one’s a bad clone because it is in cahoots with the devil. So then me and my clones go to fight the devil clone, then it turns out that he’s the real me and I’m the clone! Arnold shakes violently. Then there’s some scene in the museum and THEN me and the CIA devil clone, go to the lab to make the clones then this happens.

Arnold points at audience making noises like eee eye eye eee.

[Scene in Stolen Identity: 3]

Arnold is with devil clone. Arnold is holding a baby in his arms.

Devil Clone: Yie… Heee Hye…. He’s so cute. He’s got your eyes.
Arnold: Of course he’s got my eyes, he’s my clone baby.
Clone Baby: Goo Goo Gaa Gaa Goo Gaa Gaa Mama…. I’m a clone baby. Takes out a cigar to smoke.
Arnold: He’s got to grow up and save the world. He’s your clone baby too.
Devil Clone: No. He’s not my clone baby.
Arnold: Of course he is. You’re the real me.
Devil Clone: That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Takes off mask of himself. I’m not me. I’m you.
Arnold: Ai! Yam! I’m you!
Devil Clone: shakes head NO! You’re me!

Arnold and Devil Clone are shaking violently.

[Scene is back to Arnold’s commentary]

Arnold: So… If you like clones, then go see Stolen Identity 3. Heeehye! And if you don’t, then go eat at Planet Hollywood. Then go see the movie afterwards anyway so it makes lots and lots of money.

Arnold shakes violently.


About Samit Basu

Novelist. Best known for fantasy and science fiction work. Most recently, The City Inside (Tordotcom)/Chosen Spirits (Simon and Schuster)


4 thoughts on “Eeeya-ei! Who me?

  1. As a part of my ongoing labor of visiting unknown blogs and commenting on their magnificence, I stop at your door and say… nice blog, sir.

    Pardon my ignorance, if any.

    Posted by Thetis | June 12, 2005, 2:25 pm
  2. u made fun of arnie! aww… i like him…
    sniffle sniffle sob.

    Posted by Teleute | June 13, 2005, 8:51 am
  3. ya, yu know … anyone who says Arnie is stupid is just jealous, because his girlfriend looks at him and looks at arnie and realises she’s cuddling up with a little girlie-man!
    Poor little girly-man, alone in his girly-house!

    kind regards

    Posted by Mac | November 15, 2005, 8:53 am
  4. haha, Superb! Thats the greatest MadTV clip I have ever seen.
    Heeey! Who are yo!!?!


    Posted by Feark | November 29, 2005, 3:59 pm

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Copyright (c) Samit Basu. Images copyright respective holders.
June 2005


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